I Can’t Stop Laughing At These Awesome Hillary Clinton Jokes

“In a recent interview, Hillary Clinton said that one of the jobs that prepared her to be president was sliming fish in Alaska. As opposed to Bill, who learned by catching crabs in Cancun.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Hillary Clinton is headed to L.A. this month to attend a fundraiser hosted by ‘Spider-Man’ star Tobey Maguire.

Hillary is a big fan of Spider-Man because he proves that Americans still love sequels.” –Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new poll, the number of Americans who trust Hillary is dropping. Specifically into a hole that Hillary covered with leaves.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Hillary Clinton has temporarily changed her campaign logo to rainbow colors in support of marriage equality. Of course, her idea of marriage equality is both of you should get to be president.” –Seth Meyers

“Hillary Clinton is now in Iowa. She’s spending every waking minute of her day meeting ordinary people, and it’s to prepare her for a job in which she will never again meet an ordinary person.” –David Letterman

“Hillary Clinton announced she’s running for president. Yesterday in Ohio, Hillary popped into a Chipotle and she ordered a burrito bowl with chips and salsa. And on her way out she said, ‘That locks down the Hispanic vote.'” –Conan O’Brien

“Yesterday Hillary Clinton made the big announcement we all knew was coming. She’s going to join the all-female cast of ‘Ghost Busters.'” –Conan O’Brien

“Hillary Clinton is now driving from New York to Iowa.

It’s been called the least-exciting spring break trip in history.” –Conan O’Brien

“They’re talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, ‘I’m available.'” –David Letterman

“There’s some kind of a thing where when she was Secretary of State she was using her own e-mail instead of the State Department, and I thought finally, a Clinton scandal the entire family can enjoy.” –David Letterman

“Another scandal for Hillary Clinton — they’re saying she used a private email address when she was secretary of state, which means the government couldn’t archive and preserve her emails. Then Obama said, ‘Don’t worry, we saw them. We see everyone’s emails.'” –Jimmy Fallon

“Hillary Clinton used a private email account to conduct official state business. Experts say that if this violates any federal rules, then she . . . will still be president.” –Jimmy Fallon

“The RNC released its first presidential debate schedule, which includes at least nine debates in different states across the country. As opposed to the Democratic debates, which will just be Hillary staring at her opponents until they burst into flames.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote.” –Seth Meyers

“I saw that Hillary Clinton visited the headquarters of Twitter and Facebook yesterday. Hillary would also have visited LinkedIn, but she already knows what job she wants.” –Jimmy Fallon

“In a recent interview, President Obama said Joe Biden ‘would be a superb president.’ In a related story, Hillary Clinton punched a hole in a door.” –Seth Meyers

“Hillary Clinton said she may not run for president because she loves having time to hang out with her friends. Thankfully, most of her friends live in Iowa, New Hampshire, Ohio, Florida, and the great state of Pennsylvania.” –Seth Meyers

“In an interview she said that she and her husband were dead broke when they left the White House. Hillary said things were so bad, the two of them needed to share a bedroom.” –Conan O’Brien

“In an interview with Diane Sawyer, Hillary Clinton said she would make her decision on running for president ‘by the end of the year.’ Specifically, the year 1998.” –Seth Meyers

“Hillary Clinton said she wants to travel this year, and won’t make any announcements about her plans to run for president until 2015. When asked where she’ll travel, she said, ‘New Hampshire, Iowa, and maybe spend a few months in Florida.'” –Jimmy Fallon

“In an interview she said that she and her husband were dead broke when they left the White House. Hillary said things were so bad, the two of them needed to share a bedroom.” –Conan O’Brien

“Hillary Clinton has a new book out on her experiences as secretary of state. Instead of a book jacket, her book is wearing a pantsuit.” –Conan O’Brien

“It’s really starting to look like Hillary Clinton’s going to run. The digital team behind both of President Obama’s campaigns is already preparing for a Hillary Clinton run. They’re starting early because they’ve got to delete 10 years of Bill Clinton’s browser history.” –Conan O’Brien

“Joe Biden said that Hillary Clinton’s decision to run for president won’t affect his decision to launch a campaign. While Hillary says Biden’s decision to run for president won’t affect her becoming president.” –Jimmy Fallon

“A New York Times poll says that eight out of 10 Democrats want Hillary Clinton to run for president in 2016. The same poll also shows that 10 out of 10 Democrats want Chris Christie to run against her.” –Seth Meyers

“Today Obama was in so much trouble he called Hillary Clinton and he said, ‘Could you start early?'” –David Letterman

“During a speech yesterday, Hillary Clinton said she still doesn’t know if she’s running for president in 2016. You know, just like I still ‘don’t know’ if I’ll have a beer on St. Patrick’s Day.” –Jimmy Fallon

“This week in New Orleans, Hillary Clinton said she still doesn’t know if she’s running for president in 2016. Isn’t that unbelievable? With 315 million Americans, what are the odds she’s the only one in the country who doesn’t know she’s running for president in 2016?” –Jay Leno

“People are saying that Republicans got nothing out of the deal. Not true. They got eight years of Hillary.” –David Letterman on the government shutdown

“Joe Biden said this week that he still dreams of being president. To which Hillary said, ‘Keep dreaming.'” –Jay Leno

“Joe Biden brought donuts for the government employees. That is very nice. A donut and Joe Biden are very different, of course. One’s a doughy thing that Hillary Clinton’s going to eat for breakfast — and the other is a doughnut.” –Craig Ferguson

“Republicans are already trying to paint Hillary Clinton as too old to be president. In fact, a new ad claims she’s so old that she could be a Republican.” –Conan O’Brien

“Mitt Romney’s former campaign manager has launched a super PAC to stop Hillary Clinton from becoming president. It makes sense because if there’s one thing Romney’s campaign manager is good at, it’s stopping someone from becoming president.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Hillary Clinton finally joined Twitter yesterday and racked up more than 200,000 followers in only five hours. Yeah, they were like, ‘Hillary in 2016!’ and ‘Washington needs Hillary!’ and ‘Hillary for the White House!’ That’s not her followers. Those were her tweets.” –Jimmy Fallon

“New Rule: Republicans trying to turn the Benghazi attacks into a scandal that taints Hillary Clinton’s chances at a 2016 presidential run must realize that scandals don’t weaken Hillary Clinton, they only make her stronger. Travelgate, the Rose Law Firm, Whitewater, Vince Foster, Monica Lewinsky…Hillary Clinton eats scandals for breakfast. If the Republicans keep this up she’ll not only be President, she’ll appoint Bill to the Supreme Court.” –Bill Maher

“Some experts are saying that the 2016 Democratic presidential race could come down to Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden. Biden is calling her a worthy opponent, while Hillary is calling him ‘practice.'” –Jimmy Fallon

“Supporters of Hillary Clinton have already started a 2016 super PAC on her behalf called ‘Ready for Hillary.’ And more cautious Democratic supporters have started another super PAC called ‘Bracing for Biden.'” –Jimmy Fallon

“Yesterday all five living presidents gathered for the opening of the George W. Bush presidential library in Dallas. Well, six living presidents if you count Hillary in 2016.” –Jay Leno

“Bill Clinton was being interview recently, and he said that despite all the speculation, Hillary hasn’t said anything to him about running for president in 2016. Though in fairness, she hasn’t said anything to him since 1998.” –Jimmy Fallon

“When asked if Hillary Clinton will run for president, Bill Clinton said, ‘She’s having a little fun being a private citizen.’ And then he added, ‘Not Bill Clinton fun, but fun nonetheless.” –Conan O’Brien